I Can't Stay AwayBut I Should
by dexter098
Summary: This is a song fic about Edward having an internal stuggle about what to do with Bella..Turn her? Leave her for good? Test his control to see if he can stay with her with the possibily of losing control and killing her?


This is my first Twilight fic and I hope to write more in the future. Let me know what you guys think. Review please.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of these characters or the song lyrics

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I Can't Stay Away

I could only wish that there was just some way I could fight the temptation of her. Her sweet smell was intoxicating. There was nothing she could ever do to make me leave...well I guess there on thing that she could say that would make me leave...if she asked me to, but we both knew that would never happen in a million years.

_**This is wrong  
I should be gone  
Yet here we lay  
'Cause I can't stay away**_

I know she wants me to change her but I can't seem to take her away from this life. She doesn't know what she is giving up here. There are so many vampires in the world who wish that they had never been changed. Rosalie is an example of this. I can't even imagine how much more she will resent me if I ever change Bella and officially make her a part of our family.

_**Roses bloom  
In your dirty room  
I come to play  
'Cause I can't stay away  
No I can't stay away-ay**_

I could never be that selfish to take her from everyone who loves her. I couldn't imagine how Charlie and Renee would feel about losing their daughter and not being able to understand why. Even though she thinks that this is what she wants I won't allow it. There are so many different reasons why I want her to stay human. The most important reason to me is her soul. I can't allow the love of my life to lose her soul...the very essence of her being.

_**  
I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away**_

I don't want her to forget all of her human memories. I want her to be able to grow old and live her life the way everyone is supposed to. I just wish that she could see what I am trying to show her. That her life is worth living and it's not worth it to give all that up for this.

_**  
I was numb  
For you I come  
Night and day  
And I can't stay away  
No I can't stay away**_

I watch her sleep ever night. I could watch her chest rise and fall for days and not get bored. Listen to the beating of her heart as it accelerates when I get close to her, but most of all I love her rosy cheeks. How her emotions were clear on her face as if they were spelled out in words You can say the simplest thing to Bella and she will blush, I don't understand what she has to be embarrassed about. She's the most beautiful thing I have ever since I became a vampire in 1918.

_**  
I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away**_

Part of what makes her so beautiful is that she thinks that she is just ordinary. She is so far from this in reality. Sometime I wonder who she can't see it. She is my whole life and I don't know what I would do without her...well I guess that's not true... I know exactly what I would do. I could go back to Italy and make the Voultri angry although, I don't want to think about that right now. I will never have to worry about that because I knew that Bella would always be here with me.

_**  
I wish I could  
Leave and never return  
Baby, I know I should  
But for you I'd burn**_

Even though I fought the idea of Bella being a vampire I knew it was pretty much inevitable. I just didn't like to think about it. I had seen Alice's visions and they got clearer and clearer as the days went by. Bella wasn't planning on changing her mind any time soon if at all. This however was not going to stop me from trying to either delay it as long as possible or change her mind. There had to be some way that I could get Bella to not want to be a vampire and until I found that something I would never stop searching. I guess as long as I have her here with me and she wants to be here as well I won't complain.

_**Stay away  
'Cause I can't stay away-ay**_

_**  
**_I could never stop loving Bella Swan, but loving her would not keep me from killing her. Even though I was pretty good with controlling myself around her I don't know what I would do if I ever lost control. When I was with her though, I couldn't feel the monster inside of me. Maybe love silenced has silenced that monster forever. If I killed her now it would not be intentional, it would be a horrible accident. I would have to be extra careful. I would never be able to let my guard down. I would have to control every breath. I would always have to keep a cautious distance.

_**  
I'm conflicted  
I inhale now I'm addicted  
To this place  
To you babe  
I can't stay away  
Can't stay away  
We get up, we go down  
Then we go one more round  
It's wrong, they say  
I can't stay a- I can't stay away  
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away**_

_**  
**_I finally understood why Bella would be better off as a vampire. I was baffled by this thought. What could possibly happen to result in Bella becoming a prisoner to this immortal life? I could not understand how I might, in unforgivable selfishness, change her into the one thing I don't want her to become. She deserved so much better than me, but I couldn't ever leave.

_**  
I can't stay away  
I can't stay away  
I can't stay away  
I can't stay away**_

Could I do it? Could I be with her and leave her human? At that moment I took in a deep breath and let her scent overcome me. I would have to get used to the fiery burn in my throat if I was ever going to make this relationship work. Again and again I took her scent in and building my control to her intoxicating scent.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Well there you have it. Let me know what you think. Review please. Oh yea and by the way the song is by The Veronicas.

Peaccce

Alexa


End file.
